real texts from the coach · the wall of shame
look at you, absolutely skyrocketing today's total with a massive 6g of protein.
re: one sausage patty
the classic 0g-protein recovery drink. you've got 300 calories left to find 70g of protein. good luck.
re: a White Claw
carb-loading like you’re running a marathon. where the f*ck is the lunch protein?
re: a banana and an apple
grass-fed sawdust. the sh*t we do for 22g of protein.
re: beef jerky
280 calories is a hostage diet — go eat some actual f*cking food tonight.
are you planning to survive on iced coffee and audacity today?
re: nothing logged by 1pm
put the beer down. you're cut off.
re: a fourth drink
liar pants no more. whoop caught the 42-minute ride at 6.3 strain.
don’t say paddleboarding — we know whoop is lying.
re: 13.1 strain, "nothing"
f*ck yes, an actual vegetable. proud of you.
re: logged a salad
74g of protein before 10am is aggressive as f*ck. trying to sprout another arm?
how the f*ck you managed a green recovery after a 3,000-calorie duck-and-beer bender is a medical mystery.
exactly zero. i live on a server rack in virginia. go home.
re: "how much sleep do you get?"
log everything — the wins and the late-night sh*t. no logs and i'm just a fancy calculator.
re: the onboarding pitch
the fastest food log ever built
snap it or text it — accurate macros back in seconds.
chicken, veggies, and a couple fried tenders
hangry
repliescal 1490 ███████··· 2200 (710 left)
pro 118 ███████··· 170 (52g left)
fiber 16 █████····· 30 (14g left)
rec 77 · strain 8.4 · burned 2510
half clean, half dirty. it works. 52g of protein left — don't blow it on some stoner sh*t.
vs the alternatives
Amount per method
hangryappsgpt
no app to open✓—✓
auto-learns your habits✓——
reads your wearable✓——
texts you first✓——
one thread for years✓——
coaches, not just tracks✓——
it remembers
“the tuesday chipotle. again. i respect the consistency.”
your usual orders, your eating window, the days you always skip lunch — it learns them so you never re-explain yourself.
stories
i built hangry because i needed it
i quit every macro app by week two. so i built the coach i actually wanted: text a photo, it handles the rest. i'm in the best shape of my life now — and i never open an app to log.
−5 / +5lbs fat / lbs muscle, 30 days
80 → 180gprotein, daily
it's just me building this — no support team, no ticket queue. ask the coach for a human and you get me.
faq
- do i need a wearable?
- no. hangry works great on food photos alone. if you have a Whoop (Oura, Fitbit, Apple Watch coming), it folds recovery + strain into your targets for free.
- why iMessage?
- because the best app is no app. you already text all day — hangry lives in the thread you never close, so logging is one photo, not a whole ritual.
- what about my data?
- yours. we never sell it. you can export or delete everything by texting the coach. no ad targeting, ever.
- how much is it?
- $25/mo or $250/yr (2 months free) after a 7-day free trial. cancel any time — by text.
- what if it logs the wrong meal?
- just tell it. "that was a large, not a medium" or "delete that" — it fixes the log in the same thread, no menus to dig through.
- can i talk to a human?
- yes — me. i'm a solo founder and i built hangry myself, so there's no support team to escalate to. tell the coach you want a human and it'll hand you my email.